the best is yet to come

I like to think that the best parts of my are still up my sleeve somewhere. That I am still a bit mysterious, even to myself. I wonder at the things that will come later in life and have faith at the amazement to come. I like to think that there isn't a person out there who knows all of me because the best parts are still to come. I'm sure those parts will come out someday when I'm ready to share them with the world, but for now I like to think they are safe and sound hidden away in the dark recesses of my mind. Women are a fine wine right? We all just get better with age :)

I know I left that lid around here somewhere....

“To sleep, perchance, to dream, ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come---”

I for one have very vivid dreams, they feel real and I always wake up wondering what is going on in my subconscious that makes me dream such amazing dreams. Some of my recent highlights include flying machines, elephants, and the circus. However my dream last night really made me question what is going on in my life right now. I’m no expert on dream interpretation but I’m fairly certain I’ve got at least a vague idea of what my subconscious is telling me. First my dream…
Its starts out with me at the ocean with my older brother, we are swimming and enjoying the waves, much like the memories I have of our trip to Kino Bay, Mexico when I was 13. Before long I notice that there is the fin of a shark headed towards me, I shout and try to swim away. My brother somehow whispers in my head and gives me the courage to tackles this shark head on. So I swim back out and tread water watching the dorsal fin head towards me. I grab onto the shark by its fin and wrestle with it coming out victorious! One of the worlds deadliest predators and I face it and over come it! Go me. Fast forward to a new scene, I am in Vermont out in the wilderness I am an arctic wolf. I come across a bull moose in a clearing I walk over and I sit down in front of the moose who looks at me and smiles. Well I feel more than I see the smile because moose can’t really you know smile and what not…. Anywho….
So lets break that down…..
The shark: “As underwater creatures, sharks may represent deep emotions hidden in the unconscious. Since many people associate negatively with sharks, the shark may represent negative emotional states such as frenzied anger or resentment. The shark may be symbolic of the destruction these emotions can bring about if not recognized and dealt with. The shark, especially if it is chasing you, may represent emotions that feel irrational and uncontrollable.” (http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art18618.asp)
This seems to be fairly accurate, but at least I overcame my negative emotional state!
The wolf: Everything I seem to see about wolves has them in a bad light, as if they are a problem a predator and something to be weary of. I have never felt that way about being an arctic wolf in my dreams, which has happened on a few different occasions. I see it as my own power form of sorts, I see it as a symbol of inner strength.
The moose: “When a moose appears in your dream, there will be a powerful gentle soul entering your life. This may be a father figure that you have been missing and wishing for. The moose will guide you towards bountiful harvests, and feeding pastures. A sign that good fortune will follow in the days to come.”
(http://www.mydreammeanings.com/search/moose/)
This is exactly what it felt like in my dream, felt like I was being blessed with the presence of a wonderful and wise soul. I’ll be sure to be on the look out for this presence in my waking life.

All in all I woke up feeling better about a lot of things that are going on in my life, I think that I was being told that I would come out of this negative time a stronger person. The last few days have been quite a rollercoaster ride for me and I think that at the moment my soul is telling me that I am strong enough to overcome anything that is thrown my way. I need to thank a friend for this self examination that I did today, I wrote her a letter this morning basically venting about the bad things that are going down in my life and she managed to put everything in a wonderful perspective. I have been dreaming about a certain person in my life a lot lately and I recently found out that he just began dating a friend of mine. Needless to say I was crushed, I can’t get this person out of my head and I don’t know what to do to get over him. Luckily I have wonderful friends, to quote her:
“You should ALWAYS listen to your subconscious. Your subconscious is PART of you and it brings to the surface what needs to be examined. That being said, when you dream about someone over and over again, you're dreaming about their QUALITIES, not the person. These qualities can be things that you like or dislike, but either way, you are being divinely tuned into a SELF-examination.
What your SOUL is telling you to do is to be aware of what attracts you to him. When you appreciate his qualities, you bring them closer to you. They may come in the form of another guy who is similar. They may be things that you can find inside of yourself. They may be aspirations. You never know. Your dreams are telling you to use the law of attraction to draw those qualities closer to you, for your well being.”

I am very thankful that I have someone in my life that can help me take my hectic neurotic life and bring it back to serenity. We have all had our hearts broken, and I know I have broken my fair share, but we heal. Yes it still hurts like hell to see the two of them together and I’m sure it will for a while but I know that as long as they are happy than I can not begrudge them that. Every pot has a lid and I’m sure mine is out there somewhere. I know that I have a lot of life to live and a lot of love to give and I’ll survive, I will survive. I’m sorry I just had to go there…right moving on… but seriously I know that I will get over this, for now I will plaster a smile on my face and pretend it doesn’t hurt to see them together, and eventually I wont have to pretend anymore.
Life goes on….

Tastes like....

Mmmm my first taste of the blog-sphere... Tastes a little like narcissism. Perhaps it is just pure selfishness that is driving me to put my thoughts out into the wild blue yonder, but ya know what? Selfish can be a very beautiful word. This is year has been a ride so far, with it's ups and it's downs but there is one thing that I know for sure, life is beautiful. I made myself a promise at the beginning of this year, not a resolution cause I always break those, but a promise to change for the better. I will dream impossible dreams, I will dance and laugh and love. I will be hurt and I will cry. I will feel anger, cynicism, and nihilism and I will stand in awe of the beauty and wonder at all the world has to offer. I will be who I am and who I've always wanted to be. I will politely decline all that insults my soul. I will embrace my life rather than fighting against it. I will find and revel in inspiration. I will enjoy life's little delights and not cloud my own happiness.
Not really sure what to expect with this thing but here is to the adventure!

"In this world of ups and downs...
it's good to know there are jackalopes around."
~Pixar Boundin'